Persona
by kippersvindaloo
Summary: What happens to all the alternate personalities in Rimmer's head?


AN: This story takes place in the third series, not long after "Polymorph". Thanks again to all my feedback-ers; it's always appreciated.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, and I'm not making any money from this, so please don't sue me.

**Persona**

The room was awash in chaos. Peterson, Lister, and several others were drinking and chatting in the corner. Annie, the only woman in the room, looked a bit lost among all the men. Flannigan was trying to engage Captain Hollister in conversation, but Captain Hollister didn't seem at all interested. Cat was busy perming his leg hairs, and Holly watched impassively from his viewscreen post.

Rimmer gestured vaguely and non-threateningly. "All right. If I might have everyone's attention, please?" The chatter continued. "I'd like to call this meeting to order, if I may."

Slowly, everyone quieted down.

"Now," Rimmer said, "first I would like to remind everyone why we're here."

"Hopefully not to listen to you," Lister said. His friends hooted in encouragement.

"Thank you for your contribution, David," Rimmer said, nodding. "I want all of you to feel as free to express your opinions as David does. We're here today to talk about how we've all come into being, and what we're going to do about it."

Hollister got to his feet, looking around the room for support. "I'm the captain. Shouldn't I be leading this conversation?"

"A good point," Rimmer said. "And why do you feel you should be leading?"

"Well," Hollister said, shrugging helplessly, "I'm the captain. I do that."

"I see," Rimmer said. "I'm glad you could share that with us, Captain. Is there anything else you'd like to add?"

Hollister shook his head. "No." He sat down, looking embarrassed.

"I hope everyone realizes that my function here is not to belittle you in any way," Rimmer said warmly. "You are all intelligent, worthy people and I would never want to make you feel bad about yourselves."

"Get on with it!" Lister called, exciting cheers of agreement.

Rimmer nodded. "All right. Moving on. As I'm sure you're aware, we are all alternative personalities that have, at one time or another, occupied the holographic body of Arnold Rimmer. I'm a relative newcomer here, having been brought into existence by the Polymorph, whereas many of you were created when the hologram simulation suite malfunctioned. Does anyone have any questions so far?"

Flannigan raised his hand. "Well, I was wondering what the objective of this meeting is."

Rimmer liked Flannigan. He seemed to be a man very similar in temperament to Rimmer. "Excellent question, Dr. Flannigan. Thank you. We are all here because we have spent time interacting with the outside world and no longer wish to be shut up in one tiny little corner of Arnold's subconscious. The question is, what are we going to do about it and how are we going to assert our own individual rights?"

"I say we all take turns snogging Annie," Lister said, pointing to her.

"Yes, well, that certainly is one course of action," Rimmer said, nodding. "Anyone else?"

"I think we should go in there, commandeer the body, and then assign duty shifts to decide who gets it when," Hollister said.

"I like your organizational skills, Captain," Rimmer said. "So let's add that to our list of options. Annie? We haven't heard from you."

"Make him stop looking at me," Annie said, gesturing to Peterson, who was staring at her.

"There's no need to be nervous. We're all compatriots here," Rimmer said.

Annie took Flannigan's clipboard and whacked Peterson on the head with it.

"Ow!" Peterson yelped, rubbing his head.

"Keep it to yourself," Annie said, returning Flannigan's clipboard to him.

"Well said, Annie. Thank you for that," Rimmer said. "Now, here are my thoughts. I propose we make our presence felt. So far, there's no indication that Arnold knows we exist. I suggest we assert ourselves in a series of recurring dreams. Perhaps a few of us could use his body for a brief bout of sleepwalking."

"And what's that supposed to do?" Lister asked.

"Whoever's in control during the sleepwalking can leave him a message telling him who we are and what we want," Rimmer said. "He'll have to deal with us then."

Lister snorted. "Yeah, by ignoring us, same as always."

"That is a possibility, David, but it's one of the risks that comes with bold, decisive action," Rimmer said.

Lister looked incredulous. "Bold, decisive action? I don't believe this guy!"

Arguments broke out all through the room. Annie and Peterson were calling each other names, Hollister was snapping at Flannigan, and Cat was irritated because his leg curls were coming out uneven.

"I think," Rimmer continued through the din, "we ought to call ourselves the Committee for the Understanding of Neglected Temperament Splinters." He realized what the acronym would be. "Oh dear."

Rimmer woke up fast, checking to make sure he hadn't been relegated to some dark and sinister nether region of his mind. No—he seemed to be in the bunk room with Lister. He calmed down a little, though the thought of all those people plotting in his head made him anxious.

"I certainly hope that was a dream," he muttered to himself.

THE END


End file.
